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two weeks

In love on February 14, 2005 by carinasuyin

I love her
Monday 02.14.05 [5:52 am]

I love her with both heart and mind.

It’s 5 in the morning and despite the overwhelming langour, each scrape againts the sheets of my bed makes me miss her more. It’s hard to be eloquent at this hour but my heart needs to speak lest it blisters with the yearning it carries.

So I’ll say it raw.

For many nights I have listened to the soul behind her voice, and though she was physically absent, I never felt more in touch with the truth of a person, the essence of a character.

When we had remotely hinted of being together, we both shed off the possibility with casual gibes but deep in my heart, I thought, ‘It would be wonderful if she could love me’.

I see both a child and a woman in her, and I honour both. If I should ever fail her, my heart would break. She makes up my life, literally. Almost everything good in me has been inspired by her, and as I hum to myself while making a cup of milo in the morning, it’s because I have her unseen presence within me.

There were other girls, other suitors, and she was far far away. But she was more real to me than all the miniskirts (pardon me) in my life. And so I vowed, that despite my uncountable failings, I would be truthful with love. I would hope that someday she might love me too, and if that day did not come, I would say ‘I’d have it no other way’, for it was really so, there was no other way.

I loved her in secret, soaked in the beauty of her life that she shared through raspy unclear phone lines. I learned that I could love her without binding her, and I was truly proud. And so I loved her even more.

I love her just the way she is, in fact I’d love her for a lot less because one millionth of her would keep my heartstrings warm for a million years. I love her so much that I want to meet her optometrist, her dentist, her school teacher, her bus driver; yes I am silly but she deserves one unconditionally moronic love at least once in her lifetime.

I don’t love her more than life, instead I love life more because of her.

I don’t know how this might end, and there’ll undoubtedly be struggles and let-downs along the way, but I’ll never forget how I feel tonight, I’ll never forget how much I love you Su Yin.

Sleep well my most beautiful person in the world, and thank you for loving me too.

Wei Chun

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