exit night enter light
March 27, 2006
there are some things you just don’t fight
Archive for March, 2006
you are not unloved
March 25, 2006o pupil in denial
hear the answers that you seek
why is the silence that deafened
how much is not worth figuring out
what if should not be how we live our lives
cerulean blue paints my room
birds awake and sing their praises
heart in the darkest of dungeons
abandon not yourself
you are not unloved
a prayer leaves my lips
heavenward
into your radiance
March 21, 2006One morning when Atah was driving me to school, I asked him “Atah, what is love?”. Being the cool dad that he was (and still is), he answered matter-of-factly without taking his eyes off the road,
“Love… is lots of voluntary effort. L.O.V.E. Lots of voluntary effort lah.”
“That’s all? Love explains itself?”
“Yeah. Simple. When you love someone, it’s a commitment to volunteer. You volunteer to make that person happy, to keep that person from harm, to have that person’s best interests at heart, to share dreams or build a life together… That’s why love is different from like. Understand ah?”
“Hmmm… I think so.”
“Good.”
Lots of voluntary effort. I’ve never fully understood that until I fell in love. I remembered that definition of love and embraced it earnestly. Everything happened out of joyful willingness and a self-determined desire to make that special person happy, nothing was obligatory nor done out of expectation. It felt effortless to love because love was voluntary. Unconditional because you didn’t have expectations in return for what you gave. Just as well, came the realisation of how imperfect and selfish is the love of mere mortals once everything went wrong when you needed to justify the efforts and demand not to be taken for granted. To finally question if the love was worth the effort sounded the death knell for the relationship. Thus idealistic me learnt (albeit the hard and painful way) that voluntary efforts need to come from both sides. Just as much as you can’t tepuk sebelah tangan, when in a relationship, love needs to be reciprocal for we are just ordinary people.
Which is why when Fr. Richards said “Like is a decision of feelings but love is a decision of the will.”, I was automatically transported back into Atah’s car, on the way to school, reliving that very important lesson.
Love is a decision of the will, indeed.
A choice and a commitment to volunteer.
For His greatest commandment is on Love. How easy we forget.
soundtrack of my life
March 18, 2006As requested by Eyeris…
One song… from your early childhood: Karma Chameleon, by Culture Club
I remember singing along each time this song came on the transistor radio; warbling the chorus plus the last word of each line, I don’t think I knew what I was singing though. At 5 years old, Boy George was the coolest artist I’ve ever seen and heard.
One song… you are associating with your first big love: Goodbye My Lover, by James Blunt
My first big love was also the one that hurt the most and if I had a MV for it, this would be the song.
One song… which reminds you of one of your holidays: Breathe Easy, by Blue
This song popped up everywhere when toAdie, Sugeo and I were backpacking Europe in the summer of ‘04. It became our theme song for the trip and we initially messed up the lyrics to “I……. caaaaan’t belieeeevve it” haha…
One song… you like, but you have got problems confessing to: Sometimes, by Britney Spears
Aiyeeerrr… I know, I know… dunnolah, I just like lah…
One song… which accompanied you, while you were lovesick: My Immortal, by Evanescence
The soaring melody and piano is balm for the soul…
One song… you listened to most often in your life: Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and Garfunkel
This song always seem to find its way into my life every now and again.
One song… which is your most favoured instrumental: Main theme of Beautiful Life
I thought so hard and I couldn’t name any, so I guess the soundtrack of this all-time favourite Japanese drama would have to suffice. I like most instrumental pieces with guitar, piano and/or cello 
One song… which represents one of your most favoured bands: Champagne Supernova, by Oasis
(more…)
stacked up in joy
March 17, 2006
Recent book stash from Borders, good to last me till June! Am glad to finally have Clare and Henry DeTamble with me again. Currently reading Khaled Hosseini’s Kite Runner, catching up on Neil Gaiman’s Anansi Boys and Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-time… Oh the pleasure of having new books all over one’s room, pleading to be read and resisting the charms of re-reading certain old ones! I am hopelessly easy to be made happy.
Meine Schwester ist ein Genie!
March 16, 2006Mama cried on the phone today. She was so relieved and deliriously happy at the same time. I knew Supra could make it, despite her own doubts. Told her corny jokes yesterday night whilst she was numb from all the anxiety and channel surfing Astro. Fell asleep praying that no matter what the results were, she will have the grace of accepting them and the courage to pursue her own interests.
I put down the phone and beamed with so much pride, my cheeks hurt. I’ll bet Atah and Sugeo are grinning too.
Oh gosh, my sister has aced the STPM… all five freaking As!
*grinning till Kingdom come*
